Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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