you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
