Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize