that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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