Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
