I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
