so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
