If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
