I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
