marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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