Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
