Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
