Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize