it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
