So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
