Yo dont text me then not text me
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
