I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize