thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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