I am full of burrito and curiosity
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
