i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
