I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
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