you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
why is half of my head shaved?
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