I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
