Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
The adults are the big ones right?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
