My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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