Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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