When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
