Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
