And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
