After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
