i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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