even my farts smell like vagina
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
