Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
