I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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