You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
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I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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