He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm always down for nudity.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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