I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
