4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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