You smell like a Billy Joel song
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
