If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
