I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize