We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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