i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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