We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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