Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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