Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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