Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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