Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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