Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
