Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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