if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
