Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
