the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize