The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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