Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
