I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
