I want to walk on stilts...naked
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize