so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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