very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
operation harelip BJ is a go
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
