My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
