Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
