Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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