this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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