at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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