I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
