My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
