I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
