The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
