What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
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