He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
And then he peed in my hair
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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